Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Honestly, what the heck is going on. I had a conversation with a girl last night who lives hours away from me. She is a solid, solid Christian girl who is interested in me. Am I interested in her? Maybe? There are things interesting about her? Here is my dilemma. I graduate in May and will move to Maryland to be a church planter. That will add hours to the hours already separating us now. How the heck does that work? I am not good on the phone. I have been good friends with girls for years. I have known every piece of their personality. I have been attracted emotionally, spiritually and physically to some of them. They were in close proximity. They were interested in me. And yet, I still didn't want to date them because I couldn't see them as a potential wife.

So now, here is this girl that I can see as a potential wife and yet all the other stuff isn't there. I don't know her personality. I don't know her emotionally. I don't know her past or what she desires for her future. I don't know what it is to hang out with her watching football. I don't know anything about her accept a few stories she has told me and Christy has told me. Ok so the obvious, predictable and BORING response from my trusty friends Chad and Jason ;) is "well then, get to know those things about her and then decided whether or not to continue." But some things you just can't find out about a person over the phone. Some things are only revealed in them when you are interacting in their life on a daily basis in close proximity. This can't happen with a girl hours away.

Then again, I think of how much faith this girl has. She has some crazy stories of her putting faith in Christ and Him coming through for her time and time again. Its almost humorous the stories she tells. The fact that she would want to get to know me and that she has been "impressed" with me seems silly to me. Its humbling to think that she would be interested in me. It seems as though a girl of that quality should be interested in some famous speaker who travels the country and wins thousands of people to Christ. The gifts that she has are almost intimidating. She is probably a better preacher than I am.

Then again I am not even sure if I am physically attracted to her. I mean she is cute and all but I just don't know. Again, I would need to be around her more. When you see a person just a few times its hard to tell whether you are physically attracted to them. Its kinda like I want to see her in her pajamas before she has done her hair or brushed her teeth. I want to hang out with her after she has gone running and has sweated a bunch. When she doesn't have make-up on and when she smells kinda funky. Is that weird? I just have had so many friends who are girls and who have been so close to me. Why invest in a girl hours away that I barely know?? I don't know. I just don't know.

And the reality is that if she lived in Waco, I wouldn't even think of dating her. I would develop a friendship. Dating wouldn't be mentioned. It wouldn't even be hinted at. I hate starting friendships with that in the back of my mind. It messes everything up from the beginning. If she lived in Waco, I probably would hang out with her a bunch and would probably go on dates with other girls just to make sure I don't cross lines emotionally with her. I would want it to be strictly a friendship, for a time at least. And then allow God to move through that friendship. It gets rid of "honeymoon" feelings that show up right at the beginning of getting to know someone but then later fade. My fear in trying to get to know her over the phone is that these "honeymoon" feelings would emerge but they would be based on a something fake, something less than a friendship. I don't know. She would be awesome to have as a friend though. Even if nothing happened as far as dating. She would be a blessing to my life regardless. She is a very cool woman of God that would be a great prayer warrior for my life. Hmmmm........ For those of you reading this blog, don't you wish my blog had a comments box for you to respond in. Sorry, I am not there yet in my electronic "savvyness."

Speaking of savvyness,.... I had the craziest dream last night. I met up with an old friend from college, and we hugged and caught up. She is engaged now but was married in my dream as was not happy in her marriage. She looked better than I had ever seen her look. (PS. we kinda had a short fling in college) So anyway, in my dream, that night we ended up cuddling on her couch and then making out. I woke up this morning disturbed because I haven't thought of her romantically like that in like 5 years. So it was fun making out with her in my dream and yet disturbing that I would make out with a married girl. My brain is a mess these days.

Father give me eyes to see, ears to hear and a heart to feel Your will.


Post a Comment

<< Home