Monday, February 16, 2004

late night conversation with God

Last night I couldn't get to sleep because many causes of worry were racing through my mind. This is how the conversation went:

God, I am broke. I don't have any money. I have mounds of debt. How will I pay this off? I am going to be poor for at least the next two or three years. That sucks! And here I am finishing seminary with no good answers to all the questions. No wife. Not even a girlfriend. I am behind on my school work. I have that stinken paper from last semester hanging over my head. I can't get to sleep.

I don't even know if I have all my LLL's done. Am I even going to be able to graduate? I have to graduate. And then I am supposed to be a church planter in June. I am supposed to be someone's pastor. Not only do I not have my crap together. But my crap is all over the place right now. My life feels like chaos.

I have to say goodbye to all my good friends in a few months. Then I have to go to Maryland and start over with new friends. Only these friends will all have expectations of me. They won't just be my friend, because I will be their pastor. And I can't get to sleep. And I have to write three sermons for this weekends retreat. And I don't have them finished. And I am broke. And I can't get to sleep. Father how is all of this going to get done?

Father what good is it being a Christian if I have to worry about all of this just as the rest of the world does? God, I have to trust you. I turn it all over to you. I can't handle all of this stuff. I don't know how you are going to pay all the bills or even get me to graduation but I know you can. I trust you. I give it to you. I choose peace, father, I choose peace.


Post a Comment

<< Home