Thursday, January 29, 2004


Sometimes I am in my car, and all these things are going through my head. Kinda like when I am about to go to sleep and night and my thoughts begin to race. Its in the times that I am still that my thoughts seem to get really loud. But I have my ways to ignore these racing thoughts. TV is a good drug. It turns my brain into vegetation and I don't have to deal with my own mind.

But, back to the point at hand. Sometimes I am in my car and my thoughts get loud. I don't want to think anymore. I think all day, every second of all day. Just leave me alone you stinken brain. So I turn my music up. And I feel a sort of freedom. So I turn it up some more. I crank up my music until the knob in my car won't turn anymore. Especially if it is Linkin Park or something angry like that. Its sooo wonderful. I can feel the music in my body and in my ears. My thoughts get pushed out of my ears and I can only hear music. Sweet, angry music. And somehow a smile comes to my face. Its like a blanket of sound enveloping my whole being, inside and out. And just for a second, while I am in my car, away from the cares of the world, I elevate to a place of serenity and peace. Its so strange that one can find peace in the midst of such noise but it is in fact the noise that brings the peace. I think its because this artificial noise overpowers and subdues my internal noise. And just for a second, I am free.

Father, sometimes I can't calm the noise inside of me. I pray that you would be my peace. I confess that I often turn to the depressants of our world like TV and music but God they bring me only temporary relief. Father, calm my storm and speak.


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